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Spirited Away..
10 years ago
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Lord Rama returned to Ayodhya to a tearful welcome from his people with lamps in their palms, and this is what we celebrate as Deepavali..I remember Grandma once saying.
But King Gyanendra wouldn't even have the faintest idea of what I was talking about, since the reception that he is presently getting from his own people is much worse than the animosity between the warring tribes of Zulu land.
The images flashed on Nepal television of the King with his myriad plumage was quite comical. He looked like a caged peacock ordering the onlookers to view him with respect and dignity. The King snatched away power from the previous monarch like me pinching a chocolate bar from my 2 year old nephew. But it had not been that simple..Some views from the Himalayan kingdom opined he murdered his blood relatives to assume power.
Rajdeep Sardesai was all excited yesterday about the developments in Nepal. He almost jumped around in his red leather chair just like the reaction of Jobey, the fruit juice shop owner across the road with the onset of summer in anticipation of prospective customers.
Rajdeep tried connecting with Kunda Dixit..(no, not a relative of mine) the editor of the Nepali Times but each time the link was disconnected. Rajdeep looked like a man who was standing in the front of the queue but was told that service would begin from the other end....
He repeated his questions..."What is the atmosphere out there? Do you think India got it wrong, terribly wrong in Nepal" a hundred times, only to listen to sounds of a 1939 propeller plane like Krrrrrrr.....Treeeenn....Bzzzzz... Krrrrrr.... and then sheepishly cracked a joke that the current political stand off between New Delhi and Kathmandu resembled the poor connectivity.
Thank goodness. stealing chocolate bars is easier...
I still remember when Rajdeep was part of NDTV (Star News then)when he was directly interviewing the dreaded underworld don, Chotta Rajan. I am a great fan of IBN, but the manner in which Rajdeep was muttering j-j-ji kahiye j-j-ji out of mortal fear, resembled Anu Malik's latest composition.
Talking of gangsters and murder, the scene back home is not different either...Pramod Mahajan is still in hospital. It has been a sad turn of events, but in the meantime the Media is let loose and a plethora of people from his doodh wala to his neighbor 10 blocks away have been interviewed by news channels and they are clueless about Pravin's motive. Each channel seems to gloat about the fact that they have the actual details and were the first to get the FIR copy...In fact, it is rumored that the Commissioner of Police is switching on the television to get a hang of things.
Amidst all this Mr. Mahajan's liver has been zoomed in 1000 x times with expert doctors from Jhumritalaiyya explaining the difference between the liver on the screen and those of Extra Terrestrial Martians. I would advise all class VI students to chuck their error laden Science text books and watch the 9 o' clock news instead. the Visual diarrhoea would atleast help in remembering details to the micron level....
The question in the exam paper would read: Draw a neatly labelled diagram of Mr. Mahajan's liver and explain the course of events leading up to the shooting?
Yes, the labelled parts would include bonus marks for clearly marking the three areas through which the bullets passed. And at the end of it you clear your Biology exam and also get a bonus degree in Media Sensationalism.
Away from media limelight, research on why the Medu Vadaa in Saravana Bhavan has 0.0008 g of soda less than those available in Shanti Sagar is being carried out by some senior Scientists and it's not going to be long when the two vadaas will be placed beside each other, focussed during prime time discussions, viewer sms es invited on the taste and viscocity of the vadaas, Dr. Baatliwala reeling out information on similar experiments in suburban Velacherry, all kinds of meaningless percentages being thrown up, and at the end of it all arriving at a conclusion that it was the "baahar ki haath" or terrorists from across the border who were responsible for the sabotage.
Till such time, let me ask these news channel guys what the weather is going to be like. That should keep me busy for quite sometime...
Every Morning, I am generally woken up from my "Mungeri laal ke haseen sapney" by three alarms. The first one is a dove-eyed (no, not a doe eyed Bengali girl) it's a dove eyed dove.... that comes up to my window sill at 5:30 a.m. and goes "Gutr-goo", and i feel like one of those Amar Chitra Kathas where my beautiful princess is transformed into a doe by some magician.
I get up from bed, startled, look at the dove-eyed dove and ask it in the face -"What's your problem in life?" cant you allow a poor(not so poor) IT guy like me to
even sleep in peace. After all, I need to save the world's computers before they are taken over by the Illuminati (pardon the irrelevance, I just finished reading "Angels and Demons" recently) and you dove-eyed doves, just go flying from place to place as mesengers of peace like Indian Diplomats who find no better reason to hitch a free trip on "Sarkari Kharcha". The doe flies off with a grin on its face that it has stalled a competitor's tapasya for world peace...
I get back into my sleep and try dreaming about the doe-eyed Bengali Girl, and forty minutes later the girl of my dreams starts speaking in Tamil... Dreams are always like this, I say to myself and try to sleep, but her Tamil is improving by the second and and..... she is transformed into "Amma"..[Jayalalitha]. I wake up with a rude shock, only to realize blaring music coming from one of the many ubiquitous loud speakers installed on every gettable space in the street.
I realize it's election season and try stuffing cotton into my ears but it's of no use...Amma grows larger than Life and Captain and Karunanidhi are close behind. Before I can decipher which leader happened to align with which party, my Nokia 6610 gives me the "supposed-to-be" wake up call at 7:00 a.m.
I reluctantly wake up, grab the newspaper only to find promises, promises and more promises all the way.. "Rice for Rs 2/kg when Ration shops sell spoilt rice for Rs. 4/kg", " Free Color TVs where there is no power to view them", are just two of the oxymorons in the state.
A programme on NDTV, had Uma Sudhir travel to the remote parts of the state, asking people what they feel. While some said they wanted to return the Tsunami gratitude of the ruling paty, others wanted to vote for their favourite film star who promised to eliminate the bad guys, just as he did in his movies. WOW! we still continue to be a land of emotional people who continue to get conned by power hungry politicians.
One of the questions asked to an Octogenarian was "Whom would you vote for?" and she coyly replies: "Amma"..and on asking why, she replies non chalantly "Does it make a difference at all?" very true indeed.
While some portray Jayalalithaa as the champion of women empowerment, others just feel the DMK should get a chance owing to anti-incumbency. And who ever forgot the young brigade of Lok Paritraan?They also are in the fray.
While political relationships continue to get forged, with opportunistic politics ruling the roost, it's to be seen who has the last laugh in the state elections....
Now, back to sleep..It's been enough dose of doves,beautiful gals and AMMA...ZZzzzz...>
I normally donot directly Cltr - C , Cltr - V others' posts on my blog. But this one is simply fantabulous. I got this from a colleague. It just said EmCee's diary. If anyone knows who EmCee is, please let me know. I shall be more than glad to acknowledge such fine writing...
An excerpt from Emcee's diary exactly 50 years from now
Ahmedabad, 30 April 2056: I attended the bash at the IIM-OBC Alumni
association to celebrate the fiftieth anniversary of the reservation of
seats for OBCs (Other Backward Castes) in IIMs. Since I'm not an OBC, I
was not supposed to attend, but at present, we MBFCs (Moderately
Backward Forward Castes) together with the Non-Scheduled Tribes have a political alliance with the OBCs. We sipped champagne and talked about
how so many of us had progressed from reserved seats in the IIMs to
reserved jobs to reserved promotions. Unfortunately, the party broke up
when a Non-scheduled Tribes faculty member objected to the OBCs dancing
with all the pretty girls - he wanted equal opportunities for every
caste at each dance. I pointed out that the Non-scheduled Tribes had
exceeded the quota of champagne reserved for them. The party ended in a pitched caste battle.
1) May 2056: Today, I became president of the IIM Board of Directors.
Under the present rotating presidency system, a member of each caste is
made the president by turn. When it was the turn of the MBFCs for
president, they had to choose me because I'm the only MBFC on the
campus. True, I'm only the campus dhobi, but then every caste must be
given an equal opportunity.
All those centuries of oppression by the OSBFCs (Only Slightly Backward
Forward Castes) and the OFCs (Other Forward Castes) must be rectified. I hope to restore the high standards at IIM - I overheard some foreigners
calling it the Indian Institute of Morons, the other day.
2) May 2056: They've announced the cricket team for the series against
Australia. I was overjoyed when they chose an MBFC man as captain. But
my hopes were dashed when I realised he was a Most Backward Forward
Caste and not a Moderately Backward Forward Caste. The selection
committee lamented that it was gross discrimination that no member from
the Jarowa tribe (the Stone Age tribe in the Andamans) had ever found a place in the Indian cricket team. A squad has since been dispatched to the Andamans to capture a Jarowa tribal to play in the national team. I hope he will improve their performance - they had an innings defeat against the Maldives recently. I would have played myself except for the fact that I lost a leg some years ago when I was
in hospital with a toothache and a doctor recruited through the
Unscheduled Caste quota extracted my leg instead of my tooth.
3) May 2056: There are too many NFCs (Neo-Forward castes) in the IT
business. Under the terms of the Business Reservation Act, their firms
will now be taken over by the other castes. I hope they will be able to
restore the Indian IT industry back to its former glory. For some
unfathomable reason, it has gone down the drain after job reservations
were implemented.
I went for a movie featuring star actor Mungeri Ram. He may lack teeth,
be four-feet-three and have hair growing out of his nose, but this year
it's the turn of the EBC-RYs (Extremely Backward Caste-Rural Yokels) to
be stars and Mungeri Ram is the best of the lot. I wonder why foreign
movies have become so popular.
4) May 2056: A truly great day. We now have an OFBMBC (Other Forward But Moderately Backward Caste) general as the Head of the Armed Forces. I hope he'll be able to win back the territory we lost ever since reservations were implemented in the Army. Since then, the north has been taken by Pakistan, the North-east by China, the east by Bangladesh and the south by Sri Lanka and the Maldives. Only last winter, we lost
the war against Bhutan and free India is now limited to the western
coastal states. But I'm sure the OFBMBC general will turn the tide.
5) May 2056: My wife and I have been blessed with a bonny daughter.
Since my wife's an SBBNSBC (Slightly Backward But Not So Backward
Caste), my daughter will be an MBFC-SBBNSBC. I must lobby for
reservation for her caste. She's the only member and I'm sure she has a
great future.
THINK ABOUT IT!!!
My homecoming was marred by the mob frenzy that had engulfed Bengalooru. Dr. Rajkumar's demise was indeed saddening but the way disgruntled elements reacted to the same, damaging 7 crores worth of public property was outright disgraceful. An uncalled for tribute to the legend.
On a personal financial front, I ended up paying 300% more than the normal auto fare to my house from the station, lest i be made to walk all the way.
Well, Saturday promised to be big. The GANG, led by none other than the guru himself, Mr. Anand R ( yes the same guy who was featured in "A drunkard, A TVS XL Super and a black out", here the event damager, oops.. the event manager planned a retreat to wonder la. The deputy event manager was Anand's trusted aide G*ut**m alias Botu, the Chuupa Rustum of the gang.
Well, i have, in the past been to amusement parks like Esselworld in Mumbai and Appu Ghar in Delhi, but this was going to be special since the water rides were an added attraction. The rest of the members included Mitsy, Bhatlee, Chintu, Kaari,Simha and Ganesha... All of us managed get into a crampy Qualis and it was a lovely drive a.k.a. Dil Chahta Hai along Mysore Road the only ones missing were any female companions who declined to accompany us for reasons Anand knows best.. I even had a special hair cut before the outing at Green Trends in Chennai at a premium price of 65 Rs. The cool wind was blowing in the face and suddenly Mallika Sherawat was sitting beside us and wanted to join us for the outing. None of us had any objections and on the contrary it was an honor. fortunately for us jipna ganesha [miser]Part 2 was not there else he would have raised the issue of " mallika key liye ticket kaun kharidega ?" We got the sense of pride that we would be the cynosore of all eyes and it would not be long before CNN IBN's crew caught up with us.........The Murder, The Shaadi se Pehele star was amidst us.... and suddenly Bhatlee (our very own Daara Singh) cried out, "stop kissing me"....apparently mitsy (the jhonny bravo) had slipped into a brief slumber and it took bhatlee to wake him up...
We finally reached Wonder la without Mallika though. [sigh]. the revenue collector [who else, Anand] took all the cash from us 500 per head and made us follow him in a straight line like Mrs. Veena Srivastava who asked us to follow her in the class 2 trip to Cubbon Park.
We deposited our precious belongings which included Kaari's Sydney returned "floaters" in the locker and set out on the "Joy rides". After a few kiddie rides like Bumper cars we got some real " Akshay Kumar in Thums Up wala josh" rides and the only two takers for them were myself and Botu, the dare devils. the others were happy with the "Bunty key paapa, Bunty ko toy train mey leykey jao" wala rides. there were a lot of couples who were quite enjoying themselves and we looked at ourselves with the "banjara harry bechara" look. Botu was the most disappointed, he being a Hyderabaadi... [Note: I am not disclosing the original names of these individuals except Anand, lest they be booked under the "anti dreaming for Mallika and not even getting Silk Smitha desperado" Act.]
As myself and botu enjoyed the rides under the able inspection of Anand - the GodFather alias Sarkar, the rest of the gang headed by dissident Chintu, broke off from the main party to check out the "less riskier " rides. after about fifteen minutes, we were in a fix since the two factions could not communicate as all the cell phones were neatly concealed in the towels and baniyaans in the locker...the best way was to get back to Wireless communication - the Tarzan Way... Kaari even started shouting "Chintu Chintu" from atop one of the rides. And like the Kumbh Mela re union, Chintu appeared out of nowhere with the rest of his followers.
After the traditional tear-filled "Raam Bharat milaap", we made our way to the Virtual Reality theatre. After all the neck breaking 360 degree rides, this one surely promised to be a tuss pataki...[something that is less thrilling than expected]
We settled down in the seats, and there was a kid beside me. As usual all the Bangalore beauties seemed to be repelled by us like the opposite poles of the magnet.
The seats started moving in sync with the effects on the screen. The weak hearted the kids, and some gals, started yelling and screaming though knowing fullly well that it was nothing more than a psychological illusion. This made Anand shout out " yeeey, yaak sumney kirchthaiddira, ee gaadi yellu hogalla" in Upendra ishtyle. [ why are you all shouting? this "gaadi" is not going anywhere].
Meanwhile Bhatlee's appetite was growing and Simha was praying that Bhatlee was not a man eating Ogre. As the show got over, I asked the kid beside me, "Majaa Banta?" [did you enjoy it, in Kannada..]. He looked at me as if some alien in space had just spoken to him in an Alien language like Jadoo in Koi Mil Gaya...and he bolted like a rabbit. Till now, it was the beauties of Bangalore who were repulsed by us, and now it was even the kids...wow, talk about magnetic personalities....
Bhatlee meanwhile ran away to order the south indian meals without even looking at the menu. Surprise Surprise... we got an Interface with the Ramaiah boys of our batch...Ramaiah Santhosh, Sujith (my ex roommate in chennai, now in B'lore and ex colleague at Birlasoft) with 5 others who were also a gang of guys with no female presence. some consolation, we thought. After repeated demands from Santhosh, I bored them all, with a new piece of Mimicry on actors, politicians and sports stars....
Once the ordeal was over, it was fun time with the water rides.....
We all changed into our 4 feet long 2 piece bikinis [ not that anyone would be interested]... We took to the water ably supervised by....how could you forget, the David Hasselhoff(of Baywatch fame) of our Gang - Anand....Anand managed the dual roles of life guard and photographer. Soon he realized it was tough enough and joined us in the fun.
In the meelee, my glasses took a dive into the pool before me and with the waves coming in, i knew the rest of the day would pass akin to Dhritarashtra in "Jaane bhi do yaaro". But with sheer coincidence, my foot happened to stumble onto something as straight as a spatula and for once i knew they were my glasses. With gymnastics no better than Jonty Rhodes, I finally pulled up my glasses with my feet...
then on, the routine was this.
Step 1: Remove glasses and place in hard cover into zip pocket of pyjahmas.
Step 2: place kaari, botu and chintus' glasses too.
Step 3: enjoy the water ride
Step 4: repeat step 1.
The slides, rubber dinghies, coupled with a shower of Bangalore's evening rain, left an awesome expienence of bitter shivering, a kick without alcohol and some broken bones, since most slide rides required all us john abrahams to take off our upper garment (to reduce friction) thus being adorned only by our janavaaraas [synonym: sacred thread;janeev;poonal].
After having a hell of a time in the H2O, we finally stepped out, changed into our normal avtaars and treated ourselves to some boiled sweet corn and cappuchino both of which were heavenly in the cold showers.
The trip back home was an adventure in itself. Anand will kill me if I even open my mouth about it. I can just say that the word that resonated in the Qualis was " kai" meaning "hand" in as many contexts as you could imagine. Silent Simha and Botu were the main actors trying to steal away anand's Sony camera and......
The rest they say, was,Iodex, Amruthanjan and Himani Fast relief.....
Recap: the story so far....
Hmmm. it's been quite some time since i blogged, considering the gung ho pace with which I started. A hectic IT schedule (now fellow IT ians, don't smirk) coupled with a long weekend and granny's home made sweets topped with Ma's pampering and Dad's gyan and finally, FOWF (freaking out with friends) - all this gave me little time to focus on the blog world.
The world is changing at a hectic pace. Lot of my buddies clearing GRE and waiting for VISA dates, a few colleagues searching for greener pastures,the God's Debris has been an interesting read, few classmates getting engaged/married, many whom i know have convertered their IIM calls and two hard talks at the CII conclave which truly were mind blowing. All this and more within a span of one week.
I now feel, if there is one person who has not undergone metamorphosis, that is me.The sudden feeling of "so much is to be achieved" has gotten into me. But then again, I may appear to be doing nothing from the outside, but at the cellular level, I m quite busy.
Chennai is getting hotter by the minute, and my poor bike seat is being used by the local chai wala to make dosas and uthappams utilizing the latent heat.
Whoever said the 20 something years are something to reckon with, was dead right.
Looking at a computer monitor and rattling about technology doesn't excite some people. They would rather sit by the river and draw a wonderful painting, better even, they would think through the next wave of Gen X advertising.
Here I am typing into my blog, hoping things will change some day..that I will realise (in Dad's jargon) - my DELI - Deeply Embedded Life Interest. Change is always better, it rattles status quo. Satisfaction with static state is often lack of opportunity.
But first, I need to focus...an update on the Masti in Wonder la coming up, as requested by Ramaiah Santhosh... Now is there a disconnect between Wonder la and achievement in life?
Ignorance is bliss....
The Movie Page 3 was a shot out of the dark, bringing me to terms with reality of life. And after that movie, I did not have much luck in witnessing "live" Page 3 parties for long.
Before I get into the narration, I'd like to clarify the types of Page 3 parties.
The Base level Party: Cocktails and Dinner at home with the whole Moholla in your drawing room.
The Level C Party:Cocktails and Dinner at a Five Star Hotel with no DJ/Disc
The Level B Party:Cocktails and Dinner at a Club House/Resort with DJ and Disc
The Level A Party:the lesser I speak, the better.
Being in Corporate Circles brings with it the aura of elevation and status, so opine the industry pundits.
I happened to be an invitee at one of the Level C Page 3 parties, courtesy: one of the major industrial bodies in India at a Star Hotel in Chennai.
I'd like to categorize the types of people who attended the same.
Type 1 : "I came for the food, dont bother me" type.
They are a conspicuous lot but few in number. Right from the beginning to the end they are attached to eatables like the bus conductor is to his whistle. Not to be taken seriously.
Type 2 : "I have a printing press, so I am distributing cards" type.
This band of people always move around with a drink in one hand and the other hand is permanently in the coat pocket trying to hand out a visiting card @ 1 per minute.They are nomadic and finish their drink when the first batch of diners are ready to leave. They are generally the "new kids" on the block.
Type 3: "Ha Ha Ho Ho. merry X mas" Type
They are a band of regulars at the Page 3 circuit who hit each other's backs and enquire " Long time .How have you been" though they would have met a week earlier. And then they continue with intermittent guffaws on some sad PJs.
Type 4: The "you know how the heat is affecting my complexion" ladies' gang
This one's special. These are women (generally married)sipping on gin/vodka, and are adorned with imitation jewellery. They are the typical saas bahu phylum of Ekta Kapoor's "K" serials. None the less, occasionally the stiff upper lip is brought into picture.
Type 5 : "The kids" gang.
No.they are not "KIDS". They are tattoed and pierced overgrown brats who are typically in faded torn jeans and a black tee shirt and spiked hair with a thick gold chain around their necks. They know only 3 words : "yes Man, No Man".
I could go on for long on the other categories of people, but I just have one thing to say it all looks so showy from the outside, does it reflect from within?
So, till the next Page 3 Party where I discover the nature of other Page 3 classes , " Kitney Ajeeb, Rishtey hain Yahan pe...."
Even as I write this post, I am parallely logged into Orkut ( for the uninitiated,Orkut is an online group of friends since 574 B.C. Yes, even Freddie Flintstone was in touch with Barney through Orkut).
If I can think of three events that have changed my life during the past year,Orkut tops the list.
From Puraneycolony mein Bagal wala Bunty to my first crush in Kindergarten (not sure if I knew what crush meant way back then),I've found them all on Orkut.
The beauty of this experiment that it has a pleasant interface that tilts the balance in its favor vis-a-vis competing sites like hi5.
The communities segment is an instant hit with the creativity buffs as each one tries to out do the other with a whacky nomenclature. From the most academic to the most mundane, you have everything under one (virtual) roof.
My heart cried with emotion (No No, it's not the Amitabh style, slightly older - Raj kapoor style: Kya Karey 1982 ke model hain hum), when I found a school classmate putting up a picture of the march past of the of class 7 B. Oh I looked like an Angel then, though Ma would categorically deny the same.
And then yes, probably the Kumbh Mela Board should make Orkut their Official partner for tracing and finding "lost" brethern in the event that happens once in every 12 years on a mega scale in the sub continent.The low side to this is that many bollywood flicks on the same concept would get redundant.
Better even, if it is scalable to be implemented in the Melas that happen in every village for any reason.
Overheard in a remote village in Rajasthan (dont ask me why. My logical brain started a scan of India from the western region and the first state happens to be Rajasthan).
Mummy ji: Aji Pappu key paapa, suntey ho? Pappu Meley mein ghoom ho gaya hai. Police mein khabar kardey?
Daddy ji: Arey Lajo, chinta kyon karti ho? Orkut mey search karna. Pappu ka pata mil jayega. Jab hum ghoom hua kartey they toh Pappu key Daadaji bhi Orkut istamal kartey they.
I think Orkut has come of age and will go a long way in making the dumb terminal called the computer more humane by networking the species of homo sapiens.
What's more? Orkut is a multi purpose utility also providing people features to proclaim to the web world that they are single. Now dont worry, if tabloids like the Times of India and Deccan Chronicle turn your request down for matrimony ads, just logon to Orkut....
Warning: Orkut is an addiction that has no side effects except reduced productivity and dipping grades. User discretion advised.
A big hit in Orkut though has been the creation of fake profiles of eminent people like University Vice Chancellors and "love to hate" professors. Though I empathise with them, it's real fun reading the mesages. You will invariably find a guy/gal who is so "innocent" to notice that it's a fake profile and eventually writing,
"So nice to find you here sir... we miss your classes too much.....do you miss us too??" [cho. chweet...] Now be a good guy/gal and drink your glass of milk before going to bed...
All said and done, the expectation of receiving scraps from friends is like waiting for the mail man to deliver conventional letters.
One addition to my hobbies' list is increasing the count in my scrap book.
So the next time you take the telephone directory in your hand to find the address of your Grandma's sister's neighbor's beautiful daughter, get on to Orkut. Who knows, they may all be there....