A day in the life of LIFE

Of late, I have found it extremely difficult to grab some good sleep at night. Changing the time at which I go to bed hasn’t helped either. I have tried pinning down a lot of reasons for my inadequate rest and have short listed a few potential ones. My party going room mates who, after their “fun” come home and bang the door so hard that the Secretary of the apartment we stay in thinks it’s a terrorist attack in our serene locality. You must however discount his description as he keeps going overboard each time even when he compares his grandson’s arms to John Abraham’s biceps. Well, not that my knowledge of biceps is great. It is as much as Shakira’s interest in Carnatic Classical music. But nevertheless, we all comment on things we are ignorant about, so it’s ok.

Where were we? Ah, yes, my room mates after their parties at the “ 24 x 7 Babu Chettan Chai Kada” opposite our flat, is one probable factor.

Next, it’s the vagaries in the Chennai weather that promote my indecision in judging whether to sleep with the bed sheet on, or otherwise. And even before I decide on this issue of National importance, I hear Bryan Adams singing to me. For a moment I am glad that I am dreaming, which implies that I am asleep, but all of a sudden, his voice grows larger than life. Now I am convinced that I am asleep since I am dreaming about being live at his concert.

And then I hear him intermixing his lyrics with Malayalam, Kannada and Bhojpuri ?? - Eventually driving me to realize that the three pain in the neck room mates of mine have a discussion on “How to celebrate Sonia Gandhi’s next birthday”, ably assisted by Bryan Adams, in the adjacent room. I shout at the top of my “melodious” voice like Bianca Castafiore’s [of Tintin fame] “Maaaarrrrrthaaaa”, till the volume is turned down.

I get back to counting the number of rows in a Microsoft Excel sheet [counting sheep doesn’t quite gel with IT guys] and just as I reach the 29,967 th row count, my room mate’s mobile phone that he left back to sing a lullaby to me, croons with Himesh Reshmiya and his T Nagar police station 3rd degree torture voice.

I shout back over the voices of Bryan Adams, Himesh Reshmiya and the Mallu-Kandu-Bhoju (don’t know if this is the right word) combo, to take the constipated guy away.

As I settle back now, changing body postures to prevent body sores, I suddenly realize I need to get some water after all that shouting. But the challenge lies not in getting to the water can perched atop the kitchen sink, but to dodge the Z security maze that we’ve created four ourselves. Yes, two mosquito nets, a foldable dumping cot, a study table and a chair – all in one room can get quite crampy at times. I slide out of the net trying to evade the attention of the ever waiting mosquitoes; I maneuver the complex network of the rope/thread holding the two nets, in MI 2 style and eventually return after a refreshing drink of H2O.

Now I am all set to wage the Fifth Battle of Panipat ( not sure if there were four of them earlier, either) with the blood sucking parasites and as I brandish my swords like that of the last Samurai, I hear the door bell ring. No one else in the house wakes up as their intellectual discussions have concluded pretty late in the night and I go ahead and open the door to find my owner looking at me with the “ I know you IT guys – you party hard at night and don’t care to open the door at 6:30 in the morning” look. It’s morning already! I wonder, and get back to the bed like the security guard at my office after his night shift.

And as I learn to put up with all this, I am planning to invest in a couple of Ear plugs that would at least save me from answering the door bell - I hope!

Till then, My Dil goes zzzzz zzzzz zzzzz !! :)

If you are driving down the streets of India, you might well be surprised that the rule book for safe driving given to you at the Indian Consulate at the time of obtaining your visa seems to be outdated. [Yes, Now-a-days, medicines are not the only commodities with expiry dates].

For first timers visiting India, and planning to rent out mopeds/bikes/three wheeler taxis [better known as auto rickshaws], to drive around on your own, here are the 20 postulates on how not to end up in hospital on your maiden flight, err ride ..

1] When you see red, stop. When you see green, go. When you see yellow, go faster!

2] If you are on a two wheeler, having large size indicators helps. Be careful not to wave your hand to show signals during peak hour, else you wont be able to wave again.

3] When at the zebra crossing, dont expect zebras to show you the way. We have enough and more people in India that zebras are the last thing we need now.

4] The smaller vehicle is always right. In case you are on a two wheeler, and you break a signal hence enabling a scorpio/ikon to hit you, you need not worry. The bigger the bullier! so it's not your fault anymore.

5] We get Meteor showers in India instead of Rain. If you can see the sky above you and feel you are in an elephant's burrow, chances are that you have fallen into a pit that has just been dug in the middle of the road by the DoT for laying Optical Fibres. That expains our flair for Adventure sports but a dismal track record at the Olympics is something we are working on to improve.

6] When there are 10 seconds for the signal to turn green, start moving or get moved over.

7] Corollary to postulate 4: The proportion of compensation, irrespective of whose fault it is, is directly proportional to the size and make of the car/van/bus, unless of course you have hit guy on a bicycle. The rest depends on your bargaining power.

8] While overspeeding remember not to stop at any cost when you see white and brown and a large ponch. No! they have not changed the color of the traffic lights. For all you know he might be a policeman with a speed gun waiting to fine you.

9] Having a mud covered/soiled number plate helps in preventing onlookers from noting the same.

10] Most Indian four wheelers are left hand drives. Yes, the women on the left seats talk the men into the way they ought to be driving. We are an I.T. nation so most Indians learn driving through e-learning courses.

11] The width of the road always fills up to accomodate a water tanker, a cycle rickshaw, a couple of cows and if you are lucky, you can walk in the space that remains.

12] If eventually you dont see riders on the road, don't panic. They are soon becoming extinct as the sale of helmets is reaching an all time low.

13] If you have all documents in order, including the requisite certificates, be 100% sure, the cop won't stop you on the way. But if you have even one of those missing,it's going to be your "lucky" day.

14] Always park in front of "No Parking" boards so that it is hidden from view of the cops. This helps in preventing you being fined. And for those of you who did not understand,[specially the Chinese], fined is not the past tense of being fine.

15] If you want to have your right of way, you need to give up your right to live!

16] Be comfortable and coversant with local slangs and abuses. You dont know when you would require to sing praises of your fellow commuter on the road. Low Price Editions of "Learn to give gaalis in 30 days" are available at all leading book stores at vaious airports and railway stations. Pakistanis can learn them in 1 day since the variation in language is quite minimal.

17] Please remember that it is legal in India to have 4 people travelling on a 2 seater mobike/scooter. After all, it is Paapa,Mummy and Chunnu Munnu di Gaddi. The fact that the Japanese stole the concept of Optimization from us is evident from this age old practice.

18] It is also common to over take from the left,all that matters is who is left at the end of it all.

19] It is illegal in India to drink and drive but all pubs have parking lots which are always full. And did I forget to mention that it is perfectly legal to drink and walk in the middle of the road, so if you hit a drunkard, it's but your own fault.

20] Lastly, even if after reading all this, you still dare to drive on our roads, please call 9990652236 well in advance. That's the number of the coffin maker, they need advance booking since they are always busy, but don't worry, your driving skills will be remembered for ever....with the engraving on the tombstone of course.

Welcome to India! Hope you have a pleasant stay and we anticipate you would be able to see your motherland again

Pic above : NASDAQ proclaims its wishes on Indian Independence day and was the star attraction at Times Square.

As I type this post, I keep a watch on the hands of the wall clock that is fast approaching the midnight hour, heralding the advent of the 60th year of Indian Independence.

This might be part of an extended vacation for most people who consider this day as just another well deserved rest day, but there still exist people for whom the day is reminiscent of the sacrifices of thousands who feel a tribute to the nation is more than just hoisting the flag and singing patriotic songs. For them, it is the celebrating the spirit of freedom that has more connotations than the symbolic gestures.

It is the freedom to decide our future, the freedom to express opinions, the freedom to fight for a cause with conviction.

We might speak of the failures of the past or the ineffectiveness of the Indian Democracy, but deep beneath in our hearts, we realize that it has been challenging for a nation of One Billion people with a billion diverse tastes, to remain cohesive as a unified entity for 59 years and for all those who thought at the time of independence that the survival of the independent India would hinge on constant dependence on the “developed nations” and would eventually turn to them for crutches of empowerment, the current scenario has proved an indigestible surprise.

With all our flaws, and all our bickering, moments of despair and euphoria of hope, we have come a long way, and it is nothing less than a miracle to have remained a fully functional democracy despite all this, unlike the less fortunate neighbors of the Indian Union.

The inhabitants of this country might change over a period of time, but the symbols of India’s existence, the indelible marks left by India Inc. the world over are here to stay. And as the world looks up to India as the trend setter, we have made quite a transition from being a land of snake charmers to a land of mouse movers.

No longer is India known for just the Taj Mahal and Kohinoor, but it is known for the most important resource that runs the world economy – Intellectual Capital.

An MNC as large as PEPSI looking to an Indian to bail them out of the current cola controvery, as Indra Nooyi takes center stage as the CEO is yet another “Made In India” stamp on the world stage.

A.R. Rahman, on the cover of his album “Ma Tujhe Salaam”[which I am currently listening to, on Bangalore's Radio City] released on the occasion of the Golden Jubilee of Indian Independence remarked, he would like fellow country men to shrug the “Chalta Hai” attitude in life. Taking a cue from this, it has been well mentioned that Indians might be wrong on occasions, but India as a nation is a gift of civilization. वयम् अत्र सञाता: सर्वॆ अस्माकम् पुन्यम् | - Blessed, we all are, to be fortunate enough to be born in the land called India.

Five minutes to Independence and I think I have said enough. All said and done, it is the spirit of Indianism that is inspiring resurgence, the world over…and it’s about time, Indians acknowledge the fact and take a bow in front of the global audience.

Here’s wishing you all, a very happy Independence Day…Aakhir Dil Hai Hindustani !

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this post do not bear any resemblance to the author's personal experiences.

Come, the month of August and the Indian Tri colors are seen everywhere. It is also the month of Janmashtami, with govindaas filling every Gulli of Mumbai, and breaking the tallest Handi is quite an achievement in itself.

But other than these two festivals, there is one other 'major' one, termed Rakhi [no not the dudette with Mika] this one is - Raksha Bandhan, the bond of love between bhaiyya and behna..

I fully endorse the festival as my 'sisters’ regularly send the rakhis by post and I dutifully adorn the same. Rakhis have been used since time immemorial as the symbol of protection awarded by the brothers to their siblings of the opposite gender. For me, they also served as the ornaments on my shoulder for the role of “Lord Krishna” that I portrayed in one of the fancy dress competitions loooooong ago.

Coming to talk of sisters, I never have had any of my own, and so, in standard I, when there was an examination question - “How many sisters do you have?”,I innocently counted up all my first cousins and wrote 10 as the answer..The teacher, gave my mom a “Why do you want to set up a cricket team?” look when she came to collect my report card, and till date my Mom doesn’t know why.

By class 6, the norms were a little different and girls spoke to ‘boys’ only under two considerations:

One, you need to be the class topper, so that they can borrow your notes
Or, you need to be their Rakhi Bhaiyyas so that they are sure of your intentions.

Oh My God, it took me a couple of years after that to get educated about the world and its practices, and till then I continued to remain under the impression that the number of Rakhis on one’s hand were directly proportional to the chivalry that one possessed, very much akin to the Rajput Queens who tied them on the hands of the invaders to save their husbands from being taken prisoners, as taught to us during History lessons.

I even went distributing hair clips (mom’s selection) and a Cadbury’s Relish chocolate to my dear sisters as their rightful gifts. And 5 bucks per head was quite an expensive proposition in the year 1994, for a class 6 student.

Soon it was class 10, and the number of rakhis being tied around guys’ wrists went down, as also the number of bhaiyyas wanting to flaunt the same, though most mothers continued to doubt their sons except when their “rakhi sisters” called up home.

In fact as we moved to college, Raksha Bandhan happened to be declared an informal yet mandatory holiday for the guys gang.

Engineering was quite a different story. I knew girls who ran after guys who they thought were behind them and entangled them in the bond of brotherly love to crush their only hope of passing semester exams. The transformation of the red roses on the day of the college fest to yellow on friendship day and then gradually to white coupled with an Aarti Thali on Raksha Bandhan, was quite traumatic for a few fellow friends.

I’ve also heard of a Management school in Chennai where guys and girls refer to each other as “cousins” among themselves… I know one school where I would not want to study.

The work place is actually a mixed bag. I have received rumors that the freshers’ batch that recently entered the corporate campus has celebrated the festival with pomp and splendor. And apparently there have been a couple of guys who sacrificed themselves to the chains of “brotherly love” for the general good of humanity. God bless the noble souls.

The smart guys are staying away from the canteen to avoid the glimpse of anything that is silvery and shiny..

And to depict the mood of the moment, I am attaching an awesome picture below.

No! it’s not Janmashtami, It’s the setting of Raksha Bandhan…

Hmmm. after blogs being blocked, the autocratic censorship at the work place has raised its ugly head again...[well atleast from the point of view of active Orkutters].

Apparently, with the herd of freshers actively using Orkut at work, a decision to block the same was passed by SA, and this made the site inaccessible to 600 odd star employees, thus bringing to a standstill, the breadwinning occupation of these individuals who contributed to the top-lines of the organisation by constant networking through the website, and hence made hunting for prospective customers that much more easier.

However, SA, not appreciating this noble motive, felt that this brought down productivity and increased productivity.

Let me explain..This is actually a double meaning poor joke, that was provided as an explanation by SA.

Me: Hi SA, may i know the main concern that the organisation has with the usage of the harmless orkut?
SA (exhaling three symmetric rings of smoke in the cancer "smoking" zone): Well my friend, it's a clear indication of loss and gain of productivity

Me:Sorry? how can both happen? aren't they antonyms?
SA: No they are not.. See, work wise it's a loss of valuable time, but i heard this site promotes alliances and attracts membership from both the sexes thus forming a matrimonial service productively contributing to the future population of the country

Me: Come on SA, it can't be that bad...We get business on that place..we've found ex CEOs on Orkut.
SA: Really? Probably,it's only that they've found time to log on to the place after they became ex-employees..[another sad one at which I was expected to laugh]

Me: (realising that this ain't heading anywhere)
SA, look at me... I am an active user of the site too...I keep in touch with my long lost friends from school and kindergarten..Else I need to go to the Kumbh Mela every 12 years to find them..I don't have an internet connection at home too...Please have a heart....Orkut Baba will bless you...[Sniff Sniff]..
SA: Okay Okay! stop wetting my tobacco with your tears... Let me see what can be done...

Me: Oh Thank you SA.. A community would be created for you and your collection of PJs on Orkut...You would have a huge fan following from the entire office as the Messiah of communication and the savior of the singles ready to mingle
SA: Ok I think if that be the case something can be worked out..
But till then, you could probably use the time saved from over using the internet, in well, baby-sitting my kid on weekends...

Me: Well, this is not what I had bargained for...But, i believe in Poet Milton's words, "They also serve, who only stand and baby-sit?.."