A day in the life of LIFE

I have been badly affected by mouth ulcers and am writing this post amidst tremendous pain. All the time tested remedies seem to be failing on me, and i have had quite an experiece trying to gather berries and other paraphernalia for "desi" medication. Incidentally i was reading the National Geographic Magazine - a special on Africa and visualized myself as an arboreal primate, stealing his berries from a fellow competitor.

I'd like to enlist the applications that i have used/heard thus far.

1)Honey/Ghee/Butter

The ubiquitous commodities that ought to adorning the shelves of a "family" seem to be obviously missing from the racks of a bachelor's house, such as mine. But yes, we have the honey. The only thing missing a honey to apply the honey.(one of the many sad pjs to follow suit. I am actually inspired by Girish and Mr. A, my colleagues to participate in the Great Chennai PJ challenge)

2)Copra with poppy seeds.

Thank goodness I am not residing in the 'Gelf' (mallu style)or the far east. else I should by now have been arrested and tried for the dope called poppy a by-product of opium extraction. The thought of Mitsuhirato injecting Rajaijah poison into Tintin's neck in the Blue Lotus sends the shiver down my spine.

3)Coconut milk

Courteous Ranjini, a colleague offered me a drink of coconut milk since she had a blender at home. This was the first time i was having the beverage, and it was quite delicious and filling, I must say. Ranjini has infact been one of the most thrilled colleagues off late, owing to the fact that I have eventually managed to speak the bare minimum in office and the absence of my chatter has set off rumors that i am being tight lipped and dignified as I had been considered for the CEO's role in organization. Whoa! I dont need to pay to dream, do I?

4) Masa kai

Mr. A was gracious enough to draw out directions to 'Dabba Chetty' and sons who sell "country drugs" in Mylapore, Chennai. Yes, it indeed sounded like a name that would even turn away the most desperate customer. Even as i was hunting for directions from the Kapaleeshwar temple yesterday morning, with my half mutilated Tamil, I found some stranger patting my back and I discovered that it was none other than Mr. A himself who had infact given me the directions the previous day. I remarked, " This is a one in a million occurrence to bump into each other at the same split second timing" for which a due response was received " No that's too small: It ought to be one in a trillion ha ha ha ha...." yes that was a joke...I had no luck with the Dabba Chetty guy as he was closed for 3 days and had probably gone away to write poetry amidst the tribals of the Andamans as no one wanted to buy his medical concoctions.Or maybe election fever gripped him too.

5) Tender kokonut H2O

Anyone wondered why there aren't many tender coconuts available for consumption in Kerala? It's probably because 120% of the 100% available produce is used for making voil, voil and more voil for the hair illey monney?

Well, never mind, Chennai is hot, all for the wrong reasons...only the weather seems to be hot, nothing else...The Tender kokonut seems to be quenching my thirst and also treating my ulcers.

6)Eating chewing Gum?????

Well, I know the root cause of the problem. Some days ago, I was feasting on chewing gum for over 5 hours and I am told this causes gum aberration resulting in ulcers. So much so for the Orbits and the Happydents who stake their claim to sparkling teech and pH control...Someone a lawyer reading this, please keep me posted. i am planning legal action once I am able to utter and speak the Queen's Language.

7)Curd Vadai, with H2O Melon juice anyone?

I am just back from Meenakshi Bhavan after having thair / curd vadai and a H2O Melon juice. In chennai you donot get 'food' as in 'meals' at night. so you ought to help yourself with tit bits. I asked the bewildered waiter to get me two plates of the dish and he wondered if I had got the cravings of Priety Zinta in Salaam Namaste ...well never mind..Little did he know that I was ordering the 'delicacy' for the copious and generous topping of thick curd and not the vadai per say, to cool my body and tongue..The curd, though has the dubious distinction of associating itself with the oily vada, serves the samaritan purpose of maintaining body balance.As the Sanskrit saying goes - "Pushpamaalanusangena sootram shirasi dhaaryate" translated as -"Along with the flowers, the string gets the honor of adorning the head". So also is the parasitic relationship between the vada and the curd. i think it's drawing the analogy too far...all in the name of poetic license.

Hmm...that's about it. Before I take away my Grandma's job and expertise in home remedies, let me close the post with ah! yes, B complex tablets with Dentogel to be applied at regular intervals as recommended by Sister Stella of Bangalore's Radio City.

Anyone wanting to add to the list of suitable medications is most welcome to do so. i am planning to become a quack anyway...

Meanwhile i am getting ready to cast my vote in the Tamil Nadu assembly elections tomorrow. Hope my name still remains in the list by the time i go to cast my vote. Till then, Oo Aah Ouch !!! It's those ulcers again...