A day in the life of LIFE

Glossary:
ATM : Any Time Money
Dumb IT Guy: Me
Security guard: Anyone who is at places other than where he actually should be

This list will evolve in flesh and blood as the blog proceeds.And the title of this post bears no resemblance with Chetan Bhagat's novel.

It was one of those days, when after a contented meal, and a banarsi paan, all you could ask for, is a Hot Chocolate Fudge... [Yummmm ain't it].

Well, having said that, I was feeling quite full and another mention of anything edible, would have made me adopt Gandhigiri's famed "fast unto death", for the preservation of the endangered cockroaches in T Nagar.

A chat treat at Gangotree and some corn with butter was quite filling, and as I thundered down G.N. Chetty Road @ speeds of 5.6124 kmph, my extra sharp eyes spotted an ATM - Yes, Yes, you are right! The same 2x2 cubicle that coughs up cash the moment you load its processor with the magic pin code.

This ATM belonged to a bank other than the one in which I hold an account, but my bankers, generous as they are, give me a couple of transactions without charge whenever I use an external ATM.

And the "lazy" me decided to avail this option rather than go to the end of the road to my "regular" ATM.

It was quarter to 10, and I remembered dad's words of ATMs being unsafe at night. But, the adventurous part of me, took on the challenge and entered the air conditioned match box.

I tried inserting my card and something told me, the machine was not going to accept it. Perseverant that I am, in matters which dare defy me, I forced the card into the machine till it was three quarters in. It was then the realisation dawned on me that something was hopelessly wrong and now I had to figure out a way of removing the card more like trying to snatch a bone from the jaws of a german shepherd.

Using some basic mechanical engineering skills that i had assimilated sleeping through seminars and presentations, i picked up a gem clip and thought if I could fit the width of the card into the clip, I could then pull out the same.

Meanwhile a couple of co-ATM visitors successfully completed their transactions on the machine next to mine and started suspiciously staringat me, as I tried to draw my card out. No success yet! In fact, rather than coming out, the card went almost in but was still stuck in the jaws of the machine. Rowan Atkinson would have been proud of me, as my antics of removing the card could well be converted into a whole episode of "Mr. Bean @ the ATM".

As I was pondering my next course of action, a brilliant idea struck me! - I tried to scout around for the watchman but as I moved out of the ATM, all I found were three stray dogs menacingly staring at me. I got back into the ATM and stayed there for a quarter of an hour. The stage was set like the episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. where Chandler gets stuck at an ATM when there is a power black out and has a beautiful model for company. But poor me had just a poster of a starlet advertising the Bank's latest schemes adorning the soiled walls. What a pity, that you neither get "locked out" in Indian ATM s.

As the coast got clear, I managed to reach out to the watchman, who was catching a quick nap in the basement, and after listening to my story, asked me to come back the day after to collect the card since the next day was a National Holiday -Bole toh apna Baapu ka Happy Birthday, that's why.

Now, the eerie feeling of my card being misused and my account being reduced to nil balance sent the shivers down my spine. I decided to wait till such a time that an Einstenian idea could strike.

I had once studied a chapter on Semaphores in Operating Systems which quoted ATM s as a real time example.Now was my chance to write some path breaking code on a PLA (geek gadget) to force open the ATM, like they show in the Block buster Sci-Fi movies. but alas, I am not a star programmer, In fact my programming skills are almost similar to George Bush's speech making skills. Both work best when not used.

Finally,as I star gazed looking for higher level intervention, a samaritan who came to withdraw cash, looked at me with the "You IT guys always land up in a mess, dont you?" gaze and did something which was born out of sheer common sense.

He took out his card and pushed it against mine, and voila! my card successfully entered the system and the usual status message appeared. I thanked him profusely and realized what six sigma could not achieve, plain common sense did.

Blushing, I took my card out and made my way out of the ATM, with a lesson learnt well...It's the small detail that helps rather than paralysis of analysis!

And as a compensation, the bank has decided to bring in additional options for customers stuck at ATMs. I've decided what I want - the next time the message "Do you want another function?" flashes on the screen, am gonna order for a Cold Coffe with extra cream and caramel!