A day in the life of LIFE

No, this is not the title of the latest comedy play by Evam in Chennai.

It is a scene in one of the hospitals (the name of which i dont know) in the "hub" of Chennai's T Nagar.

Time: 7:30 p.m. on a Friday evening - I am munching sweets, biscuits and apples like there's going to be no tomorrow. and why so? because I am going in for a tooth extraction and was warned by Ma, friend 1, friend 2, friend 3's chacha's niece's mother that it is going to be a long ordeal. I was getting ready just as if I was going to face Pakistani bullets in the next hour or so. I walk into the hospital only to find a stray dog guarding the gate and menacingly looking at me. The eerie feeling of being treated for rabies rather than a 'less sought after' wisdom tooth, sent the shivers down my spine. I bribed it away with a couple of biscuits which I carried with me to the clinic like the pharoahs who took their precious possessions before they set out on their journey after death.

Negotiating my way through the labyrinthian pathway, i reached two wooden doors, invisible ink, on which read, " make sure, you have your legal "will" ready".

I walked in, gulped some saliva down my throat, and Dr. Meenakshi murmured from behind her green mask, " Come pa, seat ley okkandako." [Come pa, have a seat] She set out on educating me about the perils of a wisdom tooth extraction. " The upper mandible and the tibula of the tongue..............." dont ask me if that made sense, I was just rambling some lines from class 12 Biology when I had dissected a cockroach...

She finally concluded, " the chances are there that one may lose his sense of taste for 3 months, 6 months, 12 months or even three years, if there is an injury to the nerve connecting the tongue". "But dont worry pa, the chances are only one in 1000". . Wow, that's so comforting. Incidentally I had just withdrawn 1000 rupees from the ATM before reaching the dentist's. And believe me, sometimes, these numbers get spookier by the minute.I always hated statistics. More so because statisticians proclaim that "If you have your head in the oven and feet in the freezer, on an average, you are just alright".

My mind was filled with not being able to taste the "thali at Mansukhs" the "bhel puri" across the Hanumanji temple in Bangalore, and Ma's delicious cooking which is the primary reason I keep running off to Bangalore once a month.

The cool air from the A/C brought me out of my reverie. I was recollecting the scene when Ma was also 'housed' in a similar set up for her wisdom teeth to be removed.

Dr. Meena exclaimed, " We need to keep the patient cool Pa, so much tension etc. etc"

A couple of X rays were taken, both of which were meant to be pushed down my oesophagus, and they were being examined by the Doc, with utterances of "Hmmm. aah. ok. Pa."

Gauraw, my roomie was accompanying me, as part of the International Red Cross Association, who help wounded soldiers in the war. "You can wait outside Pa., I shall call you when it is done", quipped Dr. Meena. In fact it was the doc who insisted I get someone along, lest I lose my consciousness like Amitabh in Majboor.

Water was poured out into a plastic tumbler beside me, and suddenly, one more Doc, Dr. Srimathi with "20 years of experience" walked in. I was reminded of Smt. Shrimati of the Recruitment department at Birlasoft. poor lady, she keeps hunting for profiles with 2,3,4 years of experience, and here I had one with 20...whom I could refer to her. Dr. Srimathi examined the X rays and gave out the same expressions of "Hmmm. aah. ok". without the Pa.

Having got all the paraphernalia in place, she started out on her "Mission Up-lift-ment". "you have a very small mouth and your jaws are kind of displaced", observed Dr Srimathi. Thank you very much Doc, I got my gyan for the day, and shall update the same in Wikipedia, I said to myself.The two doctors conversed about the complexity of the extraction in Tamil, and I comprehended a few things. They told me it's going to be tough for them as well as for me. 4 ml. of anasthesia or was it 40?was pumped into my oral cavity.

beep beep.

I am censoring the gory details of how the tooth was removed. lest Blogworld puts a "parental guidance required" flag on my blog.

At the end of it all, only one tooth was removed after an ordeal of 90 minutes, and the other they said would be done in a separate sitting. I had just hoped the doctors would not go to "dentalsurgery.com" and click on the "I-am-completely-lost" button. Thankfully it did not happen that way.

The tooth which finally was pulled out using forceps resembling the nut cracker used by my grand-pa, was presented to me like the Param Vir Chakra, and I was expected to hang it around my neck like a good-luck charm.

I glugged down a maaza, a couple of appies and an ice cream ..Yummm...

Dr. Meena said," Look pa, have only idlies, bread and mashed curd rice for the next three days".

Dr. Srimathi asked me " Who is going to look after you ?". It could be rephrased as " Oh my dear baby, you are so small to look after yourself sweetie pie. Let me adopt you and take you home" kinds.

I walked home with a swollen cheek ,lots of Ice, negative balance of 2500 bucks and a " Oh mum, I'll miss you for the next two days" look on my face!

My English has been sounding like French since then and those calling me up thought they were making an ISD call to Paris.

It's been two days of bread - halwa - idli - milk routine,[halwa courtesy - Roma Bhabhi of ground floor at Syndicate Residency.]

Ankurva [his name is Ankur, Ankurva is the typical Bihari Ishtyle], my other room mate has been kidding me about my physical state and questioned if I was slapped by a girl. "Girls! in Chennai????" you must be joking!!"

Am back in office this morning, alive and kicking....discharging my duties in the surreal world of IT, no less tense and tiring than a battlefield.....